by Huina Zheng
Like a frost creeping through the early morning, her indifference enveloped him, a chill more pervasive than the winter wind. While he never ignored his own child, his mother had often enveloped him in a suffocating neglect. This disregard swirled around their home, leaving an icy sheen over his heart.
Whenever his child acted out, seeking attention, he would respond—not with words, but with a gentle pat. A silent nod. A stiff hug, trying hard to dissolve the lingering cold. A cycle. Again and again.
“I taught you to be self-sufficient,” his mother claimed in her old age, with an air of justification. The “independence” that masked his loneliness. The “self-reliance” that concealed his yearning. The “you don’t need anyone” that froze his heart further.
“I was always there for you, wasn’t I?” he would tell his child. Listening. Playing. Being present. Breaking the cycle of neglect, he tried to offer what he never received.
Yet, his attempts sometimes felt like sunlight struggling to pierce through overcast skies. When his child refused to talk, he shivered. Battled. Battled against the emotional glacier. He kept his warmth buried within, growing in resilience over the years. Layers of frost, biting cold, the silent snow. They numbed. They froze within him. Until he refused to be frozen any longer.
He learned to melt the ice. To seek warmth. To radiate heat. He would chase away the cold from the doorstep, across cities and fields, back to his mother’s house. Look! How he embraced his need for warmth! Leaving the ice where it originated.
Now, he enfolds his child in cuddles as tender as sunlight. Sings songs as comforting as a cozy fire. Coldness, he lets it thaw. It slowly dissolves into oblivion, granting his heart and touch the radiance of a sunlit dawn.
© Huina Zheng
Huina Zheng, a Distinction M.A. in English Studies holder, works as a college essay coach. She’s also an editor at Bewildering Stories. Her stories have been published in Baltimore Review, Variant Literature, Midway Journal, and others. Her work has received nominations twice for both the Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net. She resides in Guangzhou, China with her husband and daughter.
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